I have been feeling so rubbish for so many reasons recently but after having a good old vent to a blogging friend (the beautiful Vicki Psarias ‘Honest Mum‘) about how I can’t blog when I feel like this, I was encouraged to focus on the positives in my life. All the things that I am grateful for.
Such wise words, and also what my Mum told me to do. Great minds think alike.
So here are 5 things I am grateful for right now:
1 My health
Ok to look at me you’d be like, lady, you look like a walking heart attack. It is true I am clinically morbidly obese, extremely so, and I struggle to walk because of the weight and the way being pregnant battered my body. I am not designed for pregnancy, although I do make beautiful babies. However, by some miracle in all other areas I am ridiculously healthy. If my best friend is reading this, she’d be like ‘no you’re not, you always get colds and tummy bugs.’ Ha, ha. My immune system is worse than most, BUT I have low blood pressure, no issues with cholesterol, my body is strong.
It just buckles because it’s designed to carry about 1/3 of the weight that it does. I can lose weight. There are so many people who are struggling with their health at the moment all around me. I had a cancer scare recently, and although they’ve still not diagnosed the actual issue, I am completely cancer free and there are so many beautiful people in my life who are not….yet. I will continue to pray for them and remember that I am so fortunate that my body copes the way it does. I don’t want to ever take it for granted.
2 My husband
I know what it’s like to have chosen badly (my first husband). I also know when I’m being ridiculous in finding fault with the amazing husband that I have now. You know the scene when Bridget Jones is locked in the Thai prison and they’re all chatting about how their boyfriends made them take drugs, beat them, sold their bodies to make money, and she’s complaining about Mr Darcy folding his underpants? Yep, that is me sometimes.
To be fair, I don’t really whinge about my husband to other people as I seem to realise when I start to say it out loud, how fortunate I am, and how much I sound like Bridget in that scene. I do however pick at him FAR TOO OFTEN. It’s really easily done when you have too much time to think on your hands. A wise friend told me MANY YEARS AGO to choose your battles. This is not something I have been great at recently.
When I’m feeling low, I am ridiculously picky. Chatting it through with my Mother-in-law the other day I realised how petty it all sounds, and how there are some things I just need to let go. Yes, it MASSIVELY bothers me when he leaves full cartons of milk out to go off, yet somehow always puts empty cartons back in the fridge!!! Ha, ha. But seriously, do I need to start a World War over it? When he is taking on so many extra tasks because of my debilitating anxieties somedays…..Hmm….. NO! I just want to take this moment to tell him…. James you are amazing and when I’m being a
bitch meanie, please, just ignore me. I’m trying to get better at it…. honest.
3 Our home
We are renters, but I am so grateful that we live in a country where the ability to rent such a beautiful home is possible. I’ve not physically been able to care for our home the way that I would like to in more recent months. In truth be told, I don’t think we’ve ever had this house how we’d like it since we moved in, it is HUGE and a mammoth task for someone who has 4 children (2 that were under 2, and are now two crazy toddlers) and a back that likes to give way after 5 minutes of me trying to do anything. Yet, it is our home.
We have an amazing landlord who on the more difficult months was lenient with us if we ever needed to ask for an extension. If you’ve ever rented, you will know, this is ridiculously rare and he is so lovely to us. He brings the children sweets at Christmas, his wife wants to come and see the babies when they come to do annual checks, they really are the sweetest couple. So many places in the world people struggle to even find shelter. We are so lucky and I never want to overlook the privileges we have just from being born in our country.
4 My Camera
Ok, this may seem insignificant compared to the things that I’m chatting about above, but I LOVE technology. I am a techno geek, always have been. Put me in a room with any equipment, pretty much, and I’ll figure it out. I guess growing up singing and understanding PA equipment and sound desks started this love affair early. I’m so grateful to have belonged to a church that would teach me about these things rather than shun a young girl away.
I certainly by no means have the fanciest camera on the market. It’s a pretty standard entry level DSLR. Again though, how blessed am I to live in a country where this is so accessible and affordable. That I’m able to take beautiful photos of our amazing children. To capture memories that will last forever. I NEVER want to take that for granted. It seems so normal in the blogging world, but, when you look across the face of the earth, I am in the minority to have this priviledge.
5 Our children
Seeing how the Facebook ‘Motherhood Challenge‘ affected so many people this week in different ways really highlighted this to me. It is such a blessing to be able to have children so easily. I don’t ever want to forget to be grateful There are so many people who desperately want children. We have lost two angel babies in pregnancy but we also have four beautiful children. We are so fortunate that aside from inheriting my terrible immune system (despite being breastfed, breastfed babies can have shocking immune systems too – just a little shout out there to all the Mum’s with healthy bottle fed babies) and my asthma, they all have their health also.
I may be shocking pregnant and two years later Eden’s pregnancy is still massively affecting me, but goodness me, I would go through it all again in a heartbeat. There are couples, singletons straight/LGBT all over the world that would PAY everything in the world to go through what I did and a thousand times worse to be a parent. I will never be able to understand the unfairness of it all. I just know that being a Mum is something I never want to take lightly.